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It seems as if everyone at some point in her life will suffer from a slump in self-esteem. We’ve all gone through it. I remember a few of pity-parties from back in the day!

But what about low self-worth in adulthood? And when married? How would you handle it when a crisis of confidence hit?

I read in a sociology book that low self-esteem or insecurity can affect the dynamics of a marriage. And that people suffering from it tend to jump too quickly to the conclusion that their spouse is losing interest.

I believe that is true. What about you? I mean, we’ve all suffered through the feeling that a friend was losing interest in a friendship. So it’s not hard to imagine that the same can happen if you are a spouse with low self-regard.

Should you find yourself feeling low in spirit or heart, remember the following:

  • Ask your Lord to help you. Make du’aa frequently and during the best times.
  • Ibn Qayyim said we should behave in the manner we are lacking; by doing so, eventually that good behavior will become part of us. Mama calls this “Fake it til you make it. “
  • When you feel the urge to say something hostile to your spouse or someone else, remind yourself that it will only make things worse.
  • If you don’t have anything good to say, then keep quiet.
  • Greet each other warmly, and leave each other warmly.
  • Communicate openly by stating your preferences clearly.

Practice the tips above when your self-esteem is healthy. That way you will be good at it should uncertainty-of-self pay you a visit. I hope you never feel a loss of fortitude. But if you ever do, I’ll share plenty of stories of why you should believe in yourself again.


Book: Social Psychology: Goals in Interaction. Pearson Education, Inc. Pages 284 -286.