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Dearest Buttons,

We never know what life-situations we may find ourselves in. Here is some highly useful information about step-parenting in the form of a question to Shaykh Muhammad ‘Akkoor. And although the advice is for the men, we women can learn something too.

.♥ والدة walidah ♥.

YOU’RE NOT MY FATHER: ADVICE TO BROTHERS WHO do-not-knock-no-one-allowed-especially-not-you-thumbtack-note-mdMARRY WOMEN WITH CHILDREN

QUESTION .::. There is a problem here in America, perhaps it is also in other places, and Allaah knows best; it is that a man may marry a woman who has children from her previous marriage. The children are ill-mannered and they say to their mother’s husband: You are not my father!

The intent behind this statement is: I don’t have to respect you because you are not my real father. This can cause problems between the spouses and could perhaps result in divorce.

So what is your advice to men who marry women with children that are  ill-mannered and likewise, advice to the children and to the mothers? Benefit us, and may Allaah reward you with good.

ANSWER .::.  In the name of Allaah, the Most Merciful; the Bestower of Mercy. All the praise is for Allaah, the Lord of all that exists. May prayers and peace be upon our leader Muhammad, his family and companions, all together.

To proceed:

If a man embarks upon marriage to a woman that has children then he is aware  and knows that she is not like other than her from the women who are free of  (these types of) concerns. He should not forget that a woman loves her children no matter who they are from; be it him or other than him. So firstly, he must take into consideration her feelings.

Secondly: He should tolerate their harm to him out of consideration for their mother and goodness to them; even if they treat him badly. For children are such that their natural disposition is lack of respect; lack of reverence; lack of patience.

Please read all of this wise advice located on the Imam’s blog of Masjid Tawheed wa Sunnah; this link is: “You’re Not My Father”
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